“Ghosts from the past”: The re-emergence of internalised religious stigma following diagnosis of HIV among Northern Irish gay men

This paper explores how previous exposure to religious homo-negativity features in the sense making process following HIV diagnosis in a homogenous sample of six gay men living in Northern Ireland. Interpretive Phenomenological Analysis was used to identify two key overarching themes: ‘Negotiating authenticity in unsafe space’ which relates to the experience of negotiating same sex attraction within religious environments and ‘Re-emergence of religious shame in diagnosis’ which relates to the way in which the men made sense of diagnosis from the position of having been exposed to religious homo-negativity earlier in their lives. Findings demonstrate how the men negotiated their sexual orientation within religious contexts and how a reconstruction of God was necessary to preserve an authentic sense of self. Despite reaching reconciliation, HIV was initially appraised within a retributive religious framework that served to temporarily reinforce previously learned shame-based models of understanding this aspect of the self.